you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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