Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
