My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
