You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
