She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
