So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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