he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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