Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
