Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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