im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
