Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
