that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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