i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
