i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
