I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.