he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.