her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
