apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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