She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
