Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
