the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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