wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
