so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
