It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
