can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
