I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
