As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
