i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
