How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
