There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
