We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
