its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think i have two assholes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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