Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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