I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
