I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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