Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I faked an abortion last night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
