please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did I show you my penis last night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
