I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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