just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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