I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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