I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
