Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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