It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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