my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
