Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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