Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
