his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
