so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
