38 yer olds are good kisserssss
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
