I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
