somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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