What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the barista slut.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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