I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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