FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
