he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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