hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
