Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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