loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
