This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
