i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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